I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
