I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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