dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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