did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
