are you so shy because you have an std?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
