Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.