I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it