So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
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Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.