Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"