did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.