you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
