Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
