Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
