My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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