My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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