but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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