Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
