dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
