It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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