She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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