I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She told me I should be a condom model.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
