Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
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Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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