I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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