i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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