So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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