Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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