Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
