Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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