im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
