I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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