I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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