So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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