ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think my vagina is haunted
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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