I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
