omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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