i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
