i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize