I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
