I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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