As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
