now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
