I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
