it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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