should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
