I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
