Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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