it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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