Define "chronic" masturbator.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
