If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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