I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
