so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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