I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
