Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
