omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
