I wish I could punch you in the face.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
