The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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