Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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