I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
