I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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