No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
