thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
