I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
