My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
