I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
