somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
