i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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