there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
